Crazy thing called love

As i wait
I cannot break
Years go by
Time flys
Days pass
Thoughts fade
Love lasts
It burns in you
Hearing their lovely voice
Seeing their wonderful smile
Hearing the beat of their heart against yours
Kissing in the rain
Laughing together at nothing
Silence being favored
Just being with them, wonderful
Looking into each others eyes in the moonlight
Running your hands over them
Holding your hand in his
Standing together forever
Whispering i love you in each ones ear
Remembering each and every savored moment together
Slow kissing savoring each ones lips on each others
Feeling in awe of the moment of being with them
Saying i do
Living till death together
In each others arms
Looking at the sunset together
Saying ill always love you
Caring for each other with arms wide open
Trusting each other through it all
Living at life's peak
Saying ill always be there for you, no matter what
Loving each other forever
Leaning on each other
Having fun and enjoying each and every moment
Being thankful for that very special person that brought so much joy
Thinking that they are so amazing
And in the end bringing memories to your mind of happiness, love, kindness, trust, romance, and that person who you shared your life with
Never forgetting how much they meant to you
And never forgetting saying
I LOVE YOU
BECAUSE EVERY WORD YOU SAID, YOU MEANT WITH ALL YOUR HEART. NEVER REGRETTING MEETING THEM OR WHAT YOU SAID. BECAUSE TO YOU THEY WERE THE WORLD, AND THEY WERE YOURS. AND YOUR LOVE FOR THEM WAS SO UNEXPLAINABLE, THAT IT STAYED WITH YOU FOREVER.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

Confessions?

1. Im in love (;
2. I get easily depressed
3. Im very sensitive
4. Emotional? Yes
5. I love sleep
6. I am very lazy
7. I love the country side
8. Im sick of living with my family
9. I love my rabbit Oreo
10. I can easily get distracted
11. Writing is my passion
12. I love purple -everything!
13. I dye my hair red
14. I don't care what people think of me
15. Im closer to my Grandma Olson then my Grandparents on my moms side
16. I love when it rains!
17. I love music(Christian, secular, country, metal, korean)
18. I've never been kissed
19. I don't have my permit yet
20. Im crazzzzyyy!
21. I love bread(even tho it has carbs)
22. Favorite candy- milky ways
23. I swear sometimes(mostly when im mad)
24. Favorite shows: spongebob
Squarepants, the neighbors, bones, last man standing, Malibu country, wizards of Waverley place, good luck charlie.
25. Favorite movie: Inception
26. Fav fast place- McDonalds
27. I get lost inside my mind
28. Fav Actors: Zac Efron, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Lopez
29. Addictions: texting, fb, internet, chocolate?
30. Person i miss A Lot -William Justison
31. Fav pop: mountain dew
32. Im obsessed with rings
33. Ate a whole box of cosmic brownies and got sick
34. Loves to laugh with my sisters
35. Often feels lonely
36. Future plans so far? Get married, have kids
37. School-homeschooled
38. Loves to read romantic books, thrillers
39. Loves photography
40. Loves to swing on the swings
41. Thought when i was younger that me and Kayla were going to own a pancake restaurant in Hawaii
42. Fav food: pancakes
43. Name id like to name one of my kids - Electra
44. Likes to be alone, all by myself in my room at times
45. Has been hurt many times
46. Fear of ending up alone, single
47. Has cried too much to know
48. Hehe. I love you
49. I have a sexy mind (;
50. Can give great messages

Extent

Your number stares at me
Blank in the face
Deciding whether or not to call
And wondering what your doing
I freeze in dismay
Thinking you would have called me today
Just maybe you would have gone crazy and had to call
Why do i always have to be the one to do it?
Am i alone in this?
I can only cry inside myself
Did i do something?
I stare at the phone
And look around
Where are you hunny?
Thoughts flood my mind
This is soo hard!!!
Missing you a lot
And you always on my mind
Going days without you is terrible
Staring at the pictures of you i miss you more
Reading text messages and thinking of you
When the other day ago, i really wanted those pics you were sending, only to get upset when they took too long, and i didn't get them in time.
Very maddening.
Finding myself very lonely, i cry
I cant help it
I need you
I need your soothing voice
Your touching words
Just needing your sweet self
Tell me ill be ok
Tell me you love me
Tell me you'll always be there, even when your not
I miss you and im half dead
I love you, and i always will
I'll stay with you forever my love
Times like these are hard, and im feeling depressed.
I need comfort
Hold me baby
I need love
Love me so
I......just.......need.....YOU!

Tied down

Ugh.. Feeling depressed. Not much i can do about it. Life goes on unfortunately. It just seems to be that way. Oh how much i just want to cry, as things race through my mind. Going past me, feeling blind. Thoughts come up, what ifs. The only thing i do know is that i love you. And keep you close in my heart, nothing will change that. But this feeling that i feel is a let down for me. And i know that it tears me apart. Bit by bit. Ugh.... Is all i manage to say. As my heart breaks. And i can feel myself fall. No no no! I say, but I'm too drawn down. My mind is too hooked on the low down ground. And all i see is white. As i find myself alone. Displeasing myself in pain. Hold on i say, but what am i kidding myself. The look of my fate is finally in its place. Staring at me wide eye in the face. Haha i got you now it says!!

I wrote this when i was depressed, as you can see. But decided to post it anyways.

Thoughts/feelings

Sometimes i feel like i could look into your eyes and see Mary. Sometimes i think you think about her a lot at times.
These thoughts wonder through my mind. Or you could into mine and think Mary, or you wish i was Mary. But im not. In my mind i know you still love her. And tho it bothers me, theres nothing i can do about that. I know that a piece of your heart still belongs to her. The time i told you that she was engaged you said you were sad about it. I felt broken. I didn't know what to say to you but oh. And i know that i don't know how that feels so its like i don't have any right to say. But it doesn't mean that i don't think about it at times. I know you love me, i definitely know. But i also i know you love both of us. And its the only thing that bothers me. And maybe i should have told you how i felt when you had said that to me. And maybe you didn't mean it like that but thats how your words were coming out. And in my heart i love you oh sooo much! You have no idea, how i have so much feelings for you! I know you told me you will get over her someday, so I'm trusting you that, it will happen. And i know I'm not like Mary, i will never be. I am only who i am. And just maybe that haunts me, as sometimes it is carried on my mind. But i will trust you because i love you, and you are my best friend and more! And i am so blessed to have met you. To have gotten to know you, and to have you in my life! If you are reading this just know that i do think about this sometimes, and wonder about it. I still feel like you are somewhat still attached to her. Because when you do talk about her, i can tell by your feelings you have. Just thought id say this out there. But don't get worried. I just thought you should know.

Twine

Drops of rain
Fall on me
Clouds of gray
Fill the sky
Black covers the ground
Tears fall from my face
Is as if Im falling in
Not able to focus
My mind begins talking crazy
Things start falling out of my hands
I stand out and reach for the door
But realize theres no knob

Found stuck in my own mind
I turn to face the door
Standing alone
I start to tremble
No escape and not able to see past my conscious
I turn back
To the wilderness that is seen in front of me
Nothing but wind and the ground i see
I run to a hidden cave where dark seems to creep
But find shelter
I find myself talking to myself to keep time

Even tho inside i am dying
I run out
Finding myself on the ground
Lying there unmovable
Shaken
But still alive
I reach my hand out
To touch something that isn't there
My hand falls, and i know Im lost
I breathe, but am dry
Then i see the door is no longer there
And i fall back into a dream state

You Are More (:

It made me sad that you worry about that. It brought tears to my eyes. When I know for a fact that you are so much better than that. The past does not make you who you are today. Whatever is in the past is left behind, there is no turning back. You are a amazing person with a sweet and caring heart. A strong faith in God, and a person who is headstrong,funny, silly, creative, there for you, warm hearted, loved by many, sweet, loving , adventureress and so much more!
And loved by me! Your no nobody .
You are a very special person.

You bright up my days with your amazing smile! And your kind hearted words (:
I can tell you anything and everything.
You encourage me, and are always there to listen to what I have to say.
You are so awesome!

So, Remember, who you are today, and don't worry about your past coming back.

P.S. I love you!

Sunken in depth

Lurking in the shadows
I crawl from out under
Rimming the edge I slowly walk
The night is long
And I see nothing
Fog beyond the brim seeps
Like a mist in thin air
From far away but so near
I feel as if my heart is breaking
Or as if I am vain

Hiding from between in and out
Scars are seen on my body
Big open cuts bleed out my inners
Leaving a trail to lurk
My bare feet touching the cold black pavement
Broken glass scattered
My bleeding feet as they touch the glass
Sharp pain surging
Tears rolling down my face

Lips trembling
Body aching
Cold wind blowing
I stand on top of the bridge
Looking down
I hold onto the bar
The waters as cold as ice
Staring at me from below
Taking my hand away from the bar
I balance on the rim of the bridge

Sticking my right leg out
I fall into the water
The cold water grabs me
And I can feel it getting to my flesh
I wrap my hands around my body
Biting down on my lip
I cringe
I start to lose breath as the water
Drags me in
Pulling me down the stream
In my mind I say my last goodbye

This is the end....

Ra ra rack rack rack!

Okay, I think I spend way too much at home. It seems like my sisters are always doing something, and I'm just sitting at home like a hermit. I need to get out, I need to spend time with friends, I need a vacation. I'm way to much of a home body. It seems like I've always been that way. I'm always stuck at home with my parents while my sisters are usually gone. Now I know I must not be the only person in the world who feels like they are always home. I mean... Come on now !
I know there's always school work I could work on, but that's no fun. I need to hang out with friends more. Have them pick me up, and go do something, or just chill at a store or something. Apparently I do not have a lot of social life. I have confined myself to staying home a lot. Therefore I am a hermit. I've had chances to hang out with friends in the past and declined the offer. Now my Osseo friends are seemly very busy and I don't keep in contact with them really. Once in awhile ill text one here or there. But normally I think I've lost them. So then there's my best friends and they can be busy sometimes but normally they are the ones see often. Then there's Isaac and who knows how long I've been trying to hang out with him and he's always busy with school or something going on or with some other friends. I mean sure I am a little busy with school but that's about all I got. Then I'm free like all the time. And sure I would love to see my cousins and my grandma but it's hard finding a weekend that's a long one so making it a longer trip before having to go back to school. It's complications. So there you have it. So I need to find some social life and I need to break the hermit. So with all this chatter you must becoming bored of my ranting. But thanks for listening anyways. But it was just nice to I don't know get out there. So don't free fall, jump out.

And lately I've been having fall outs with my cousin. What I mean by that is we talk then we don't talk for days or weeks at a time. Well we seem to offend one another or say something that shouldn't have been said and then we are pissed at each other. That's happened more than once this year. Ya and I do get tired of dealing with her sometimes, I mean that happens. But all in all I still love her. And yes I might not like how she does things or the way she acts sometimes. But usually we need each others support. So I know we need to just see past each other and just leave it be. Because I tend to get upset at her and will block her from contacting me, because I don't feel like talking to her. So ya it's crazy. But usually we get a long fine. So it's only a matter of time till we get pissed off again. But ya I'm done ranting now. So ill just go.

Counteracted

Scraping the edge I lay
As I feel the prickles of the knife against my skin
I see my wounds and the scars that lay upon my heart
I let them bleed...there is no use in covering up
Thoughts in the mind go insane
And I'm not able to stop it

Thoughts I want to stop
But can't seem to.....
As I say if I cause myself pain what can it hurt?
I knife slides out of my hands... I grab it
Only to find blood dripping on my hands
Marks are shown from the knife
Dents on my hands...
I sit and stare at it
Surprised at what my eyes are seeing
I start to say something... But get lost inside my mind

I get up but can't move
It seems as though I am dreaming
Like this isn't real
I turn to look
But all I see is black
It covers the whole room
The knife has disappeared
The knife cuts now charcoal
I try to move my hands
As the pain surges through them
Like a electric shock
I gasp

In sight of everything
It dawns on me
I can't escape
I see through my mind
I find my secrets
I try to find peace in it all
But find myself at war

Is this right mistaken? Is this mistaken right?

You can be seen by what you feel. But can you feel by what you seen?

Pages, and pages are written. By every thought, by every feeling, by everything that is seen by eye.

Making it visible to eyes of seen.

~ Lefty ~

Cried about you last night or the other night before. Memories flooded my mind about you on your last days of life. You laying on me, while you were in pain. Petting you, loving you. Crying.

And then when you died, blaming myself for your death. Saying it was all my fault. Saying it could have been avoided. Wishing to turn back, rewind, fix it. Then going into depression for 2 weeks or more. Those being the hardest weeks with out you. Then trying to help myself, dedicating a journal to you. So I could write to you about my days. Now that may seem silly, but to me if meant something.

Then I wrote to my cousin Sarah about it. And she wrote back And said she broke into tears reading my letter. But this was last year. It has been a year avd a half since you've been gone. I can't believe it. But I still think about you... And ya once in awhile I do still break down and cry. It's tough not too.

It seems to be that both animals/people have affect on us when they die. And yes we will always have memories of them. The happy times together and the hard times of their life drawing to an end. And sometimes we try not to think about them or we don't want people to bring it up, because we try not to talk about them.

And the healing process can be long sometimes, trying to get over it, trying to heal the wounds.
Depends on who you are. It's different for every person.

But ya just thought I'd say this. Miss you Lefty!

Gun Hold

Alone I sit,
Alone I wait,
Alone alone alone...
Crying, because there is no else I can do
No one I can see, no one I can talk.
Shadowed by myself in cave I cannot come
A dark hole I am buried in
A life I wish not to lead
A rose that can be so beautiful, but the stem that can be so thorn

Alone I sit, as the thoughts bombard me...
Over and over again..
Cramming me down, and taking every word
Taken by the overthrow of it all, it stays with me
Every night growing weaker and weaker
As I try to stay strong avd withhold it all
As knives are poking me every which way, and blood is rushing out

Here and there I scream
My eyes start to drain and I am no
Longer able to keep myself up

I fall and hit the pavement
There I lose control
I use my last breath to say help
But no ones in sight...

No one never was
It was only my illusion
That I had seen

And it will forever hold the lost key..
The key of the unfortunate

Despair?

The feeling overwhelms me
And lost at what it is.
I sit in dismay....
Just wanting to cry
For no apparent reason?
Trying not to cry...

And listening to all the sad songs
Not knowing how it happened...
I think...
I can't figure it out.
Was it buried feelings deep down?
Was it something non existent?
Was it deeper then I will find out?

The thoughts and questions linger...
And no answers seem to come.....
I think I am truly lost...
Out of the uncertain and in despair
For something I don't even figure..
Have I gone under?
How long will it last?

Deep deep down.. There is no clue.
I'm lost... Lost forever?
I cry inside myself.
And hide in the mysteries...
Of life's untouchables.

Inovality

In time im excited
And scared
It's something new
Something I'll have never experienced
And I'm here and I'm there
I'm upset and I'm mad
I'm happy, then I'm sad

Yelling at you.
Then tears seem to fall.
Realizing the pain
Then the fall
Then coming back to it all
Wrapping it up, cursing in the air.
Hitting the pavement.
Breaking my fall.

Forgiving and trying to forget
Slipping my fingers right through
the unseen.
Looking at you right through your eyes
My heart beating...
Calling out the words I cannot speak

Shushing at words I might say
Then realizing you need to hear it
If I don't say it now, you will never understand
The words come out
And then it gets better
Then you realize what you did...
And the message becomes clear

But more than ever you apologize.
With Im sorry....
And for that I love you!
Because I can never say I don't.
For you are the love of my life, and I won't let you go.
You'll stay here with me forever.

Un united

Deep down it is hard to love you, because I know your a player.
You cant just love women you have to love more then one.
And deep down I'm tired of playing this game.
As much as I love you I kinda feel like I have to let you go.
Because I just keep on getting hurt by you.

I'm always worried about being cheated on, and I'm tired of being lied too.
In my mind it's not fair to me.
I knew you couldn't let her go.
And now you tell me that I love you so much, when I know that's not true.
You have issues and they are hard for me to deal with.
I don't want to get my heart broken again, and I feel like you've already done that.

I'm tired of this,and I'm tired of playing this game with you.
I thought I could change you, but I believe I am wrong.
The news only seems to get worse.... And it's hard to bear it.
Leaving you is hard to do, and I don't really like it, but im upset with you.

Death in craped

I am dead now as I stand in the eyes of the forgotten.
Death runs down me through my veins.
Lurking around every Corner.
Searching for the unwanted and the hurting.
Grabbing them by the neck.
Luring them in by the lies, that ruined their life.
A torture chamber that will never leave.
Poisoning you till your death.

Cringing in pain either wanted or unwanted.
Sniping your life and being claimed by someone else.
The things you were told that we're going to save you but brought you death.
The dead mark on your face, that brought you disgrace.

The look of despair in your eyes as you turned clockwise.
The turn of Your body as it lingers in the air.
The smell of your odor, disintegrated.
You fade like the wind, you fade in my memory.
But I can only say the same, for it's me that will go too..
Except that it won't be with you.

Death has taken over me, and I cannot not say no this time.
It seems to be running down my spine.
And I'm no time I'll be gone.
Blood becomes polished now all over my open cuts.
I take my time as I know what's coming.
My breath begins to thin out. And I know that I don't have much time left......

I reach for something I can't see...
It seems odd in the distance, yet it seems so close. It might be my lost soul, it my shattered heart. It might be the odds ands ends of a lost life.

I start to blackout for I know this is the end.
I can't see anything now, for now I know I am losing control.
Death has reached its toll and it's time to let go.
Nothing is seen and nothing is heard.
It's like a deadly whisper and a life unheard.

Now fate has told its tale....

Escaped through the unwinding tunnels of the forgotten air.

You can try to run and hide, but fate will find you there....

In the ruins of your unwanted mind.

Contagious

As I think about it, I can't seem to let you go.
I hold you close to my heart.
I think about just being friends but I would miss too much.
We already seem to have this closeness.
And letting you go would just be too hard.
Even with our complications I still have a yearning to want you.
Knowing that I have never felt this way before, I tend to pull on you more.

Oh our conversations, oh how they are so lovely!
I care about you enough to help you through your problems.
To love on you more, and to experience the feelings.
Oh I love the poems that you write. And your freeness to express.
I guess you could say you lead me on, and I'm guessing I do the same.
But I love it. And don't you too?

More then ever I have given you my heart and spilled out my feelings.
For now it stays..... With you.
But then I start to hear other stuff, and wonder.
Is it true?
Should I stop?
But I keep on going.
Moving, breathing, loving you.
Hanging onto you like like a star in the sky you can't let go.

Am I crazy?
Yes, probably.
Am I in love?
Oh yes!
Am I happy?
Haha, yes.
Can I let you go?
No.
Can you let me go?
I don't know.
Do you love me?
Yes I'm pretty sure.
Can we fix/work out our problems?
We can if we want this.
Is it hard not to text you?
Oh yes!

The questions of the mind. That linger only in time. Oh how they are mine.
Oh how they wade at me.

Only a moment to spare, but it shows how much I care.
The only thing I know is that I love you and you love me.

The spring has shown. So I let it go.
I don't care.

All I know is what I know. The disease is love.

And its contagious.

Demented

Nothing seems right
Everything is wrong
nothing, nothing, nothing
And then I'm washed up in the rubble.
Failing at every corner.
Searching, searching, searching
Losing in the sight of thin air
A drift away....

Where am I?
Tired of it, and lost it.
Floating in the anguish of it all.
Dropping everything.
Losing hope,losing life.
I've gone and come back.
Only to find, wanting to be gone.

A mist, a fog, a line.
A sentiment reason.
A turmoil.
A earthquake.
A split.
A cry.
A undestined life.

A life born with regret and treason.
A no placer.
A no one with reason.
A common place book found but forgotten.

Taken but never showing.
A time table gone over and over.
A gun used but never seen in life.

The timing of everything and only found in misery.

The things of it all and the whispers of the forgotten.

No grace in time or lines left behind...

The untouchables.

Venting..... :p

Well today is May 9, 2012. And I'm really getting tired of doing my schoolwork. It just bores me soo much. You know? I always seem like ik taking tests all the time. And I fail a lot of them. I am soo ready for summer except not looking forward to spending some of my summer finishing math.
It's a bummer I know.

I don't have much for subjects left,after I take this social studies test,math will be the only left. I know my worst subject has to be my last. I can't seem to focus anymore either. Like I want to finish for the day, but I am distracted and get off track. It's like my friend too has the same problem and so does my cousin.

I think part of it is you give up on it avd then you end up failing classes and tests. I'm like that. I study for a test but if it's something that I don't like I don't seem to remember what I learned or did. Haha it happens a lot! Lol then I take the test and fail it avd end up re taking it.

Only having two grades left after I graduate and if I do, well hopefully I do. I'll have to find out what I want to do for college. Oh dear. The thought of going to college is ugh. More school, blah! Maybe I'll just get a job and take a year off then go to college. Even tho they say it's best to get that done first.

Haha idk. I'm just rambling off here. Just thinking..... Well someone says that school will be over soon this year because summers coming up. But that's not true for me! I see if I was in public school I would be failing exec more. So it really doesn't make a difference. You try but you fail.

That's all you can do. But yea. I should be studying right now for my history but like always I got distracted and vented to my iPod so I could write what I wanted to write on here. Soo yup. Thanks for reading. This must have been boring for you, hahaha.

Ok bye

-Melly

Away.....

Let's go somewhere, you don't know.
Where you can't see any part of me.
Lost forever and gone for a lifetime.
Like a wind in the breeze.
Like a boat sailing on the ocean.

Like a flower washed away.
Like a whisk in the moonlight bay.
And then turned right over; forgotten.
Like I wasn't even here.
Washed away and hidden.
Kept in secret, and gone.

Like it never even happened.
Gone like a bliss, that can oh be missed.
A sacred lost heart, mind, and soul.
Like a loved one lost in a hole.
Forever lost in her soul.

Forever and forever whisked away.
Forever and ever ln harms way.
Forever and ever turned the other way.
Forever and ever hidden.

Never to show again, and never to come back. Washed away from everything.

Away....Away...Away....

From your left side conscious.

~ Unwritten Love ~

I can see it now, you and me, holding hands walking side by side.

The love of your heart in mine, and my heart in your hands.

The stars so bright it seems to light up the night sky.

This is love that set the sky, that set the fire in our hearts, that brought the trust to our souls.

That made us crazy, that made us laugh.

That made us drunk, and wildly young.

That brought those silly stories, and the goofyness of each other.

The happiness we both seek to find and the joy of sharing it.

Is this the beginning, or is it a dream?

The texting at night and smiling when i recieve your text.

The daydreaming and the distraction.

The beauty and the wonder.

The eyes of the follower, and the marks of a dreamer.

The casual remarks, and the usual friend remarks.

The willingness to stay in contact and build a relationship.

The patience to wait, and be content.

The courage to say anything and everything.

To understand each other and care.

To live and let go.

To think beyond measures, and live in the present.

This is the close encounters of our love.

This is the friendship that we share.

This is the contagious love sick crackheads we are.

This is us, and it is beyond wonder.

~Thoughts For Today~

So today is April 25, 2012, and I have decided to get back to reading my books, that are laying on my shelf. I have started up reading A series Of Unfortunate Events, book 11, The Grim Grotto. Yea I'm almost done with the series but is looking for books 12 and 13, they are the hardest books to find knowing they are newer. But that's ok I'll just read other books until I find those two. I also plan to read all the Nicholas Sparks books that I got then get his two newer books. And then there's some books that I would like to read again, like The Guardian and The Lovely Bones.

So I mean once I get back in the groove of reading I'm sure I'll be doing that more then going on my iPod and Facebook. Well I need to stop anyways, but I got some distractions that get in the way. Lol, but who doesn't? I used to read all the time when we didn't have Internet and that was nice. Then we got Internet and now I'm on it all the time. Not that I don't like texting Will 24/7, lol.

I just need to do other stuff too and not lose my eye sight because I look at a screen too much. Haha right.

Sometimes I swear I don't have a life. It occurs to me that I don't do anything but sit and text, but everyone had their addictions. Yes and I'm saying mine is pretty bad, and I need to stop, and just do something else for a change..

So anyways this is just what I was thinking today, and just thought I'd share it with you people. Any comments on this?

Well thanks for reading.
-Melly

Mixed up Feelings

Sometimes I just don't know how I feel. And sometimes I do.
It's all mixed up, and sometimes weird.
It's crazy at times and lovely at other times.
Sometimes I feel lost, and don't know what I'm doing.
Sometimes I just don't think so.
Sometimes it's ok and sometimes it's not.

And then I don't know anymore. And fear everything.
Sometimes I just need to stop talking to you and think.
Sometimes I can't. It's all different at times, and then I can't tell you.
Sometimes... Sometimes... I just don't know.
Should I let it go?

Should I not?
Should I be confronted?
Should I tell?

I just don't know... I don't know why. I don't know how. I cannot tell.
This is why I call it the mixed up
feelings, that haunt me.
They feed on me, they get me, and cut me. They are me.

These are the feelings I cannot take.
This is me. This is all of me. This is how I am.

This is the haunted tangle in which I see.... This is how I see it.

Non Existing

There is no where I can go now.
I am too lost to see past it.
I am lost in everything, have I lost myself?
It seems unclear to me, and I've forsaken it.
It no longer exists.

Nothing At all. I have truely lost it.
I can only walk away.
And cry in spite of myself.

It is no longer in the middle now it's just hiding in the inside. Never to show. And no where to go.

I can run but I can't hide from the things that despise me. I am now hidden from my destiny. The beginning of no return.

I shrink inside to the shallow cave of no end.

This is the scared up end.....

Shattered Secrets

Secrets are hidden from deep inside.
Lost in the deep of despair.
Hiding and why?
The feelings break inside of me, cringing, crying, fearing.
It breaks my heart you didn't tell me, why were u keeping this from me?
I thought we told each other everything, I thought I knew you.

But I was wrong. You turned your back on me and left me in the cold. You cringed the friendship, and jerked me off. You were so someone that I thought Was there for me.

But you changed all so much. Now I leave you and my lost thoughts, my questions go unanswered. You seem to be gone. You tried to take what was mine, that I held so dear.

You tried to take me away. For I don't know the reason why you did this. Why you thought that and why you didn't tell me.

I'm lost forever in doubt, not knowing if I'll be coming back. I turn to look back but take no chances, for there is no chances for you.

I'm gone, your lost. And I have nothing to say to you. You broke me, you shattered me, and you kept hidden.

Don't come back, because I'm gone.

The Line of Thought

My heart is pounding now that I've seen what I've done, and who I shown myself to be. I listen to the conversation and can't bear to listen any longer. They havent heard it at all, but now I've seen what I've done.

A flaw, a miserable one. Doing absolutely everything wrong.. Regretting it...
But knowing what is to come I fear for myself isn't that string and could never make it. The words running through my mind, the constant nagging. And then I can feel myself believing...

Im stuck and now I'm hopeless and drowning. How did I let myself get this way? Why did I do what I did? Am I hopeless now, in the sight of myself?

The running of my thoughts breaks my mind, shattering every piece of hope. Nothing is left... My mind has perished and now thinks these lies, that I have not known for months. Turning back would just ruin myself, but moving forward is tangled.

My mind Is nothing, and so am I... I leave in mourn and leave my future behind.. Will I see it again? Thats the question that goes missing..

The broken shame

as you tried to run away.

The scared and frightened person that still seems to haunt me now and then.
Brings me back to the woods where you were killed. The scars still lay upon my heart, and the tragedy you put me through.

My bones being as broken as your heart was. I still didn't feel your pain. All is left is your self image and your sad remarks. The bones of the broken and the self less, the memories no longer with me.

I leave you now, I will not return. Bury yourself and hide your name. For this is what you get when you go insane and leave me in pain.

This is the end of you, but not of me, and I won't be coming back until you fade with the scars of your heart, and the secrets of your sacred beginning.

For this is the end.... Not the beginning.

Unexplainable

A long way up
I've stopped to look,
The horizon is blue
And then I'm mistaken.
For I thought you would never
The thoughts rush, and I can't help feel the mistake you put me through

All this time to think,
And listen has brought me to no where. Lost in thought, I think of you
You turn into my distraction
and seem to lure me into conversation.
More then anything we text 24/7 and talk about anything.

What our relationship is I don't really
know. It seems to be so many things.
Bundled all together and on two different ends. But everything is amazing, the openness and the freeness to be ourselves.

But all in all, everything seems to click.
In a way I can't explain. And that's it leaves me haunted, clinging on.

What we constantly do

Do you ever think about how much we humans worry? When we should just be casting our cares to God. One of my favorite verses says: Don't worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself.

We have no reason to worry, and should let go. Yes we don't know what tomorrow will bring or what will happen. But that doesn't mean we should worry about what will happen and what will not. For you know it could just be another great day, that God has given us.

So don't worry, and let go. Whatever is is God will take care of it.