Tuesday, September 25, 2012

~ Lefty ~

Cried about you last night or the other night before. Memories flooded my mind about you on your last days of life. You laying on me, while you were in pain. Petting you, loving you. Crying.

And then when you died, blaming myself for your death. Saying it was all my fault. Saying it could have been avoided. Wishing to turn back, rewind, fix it. Then going into depression for 2 weeks or more. Those being the hardest weeks with out you. Then trying to help myself, dedicating a journal to you. So I could write to you about my days. Now that may seem silly, but to me if meant something.

Then I wrote to my cousin Sarah about it. And she wrote back And said she broke into tears reading my letter. But this was last year. It has been a year avd a half since you've been gone. I can't believe it. But I still think about you... And ya once in awhile I do still break down and cry. It's tough not too.

It seems to be that both animals/people have affect on us when they die. And yes we will always have memories of them. The happy times together and the hard times of their life drawing to an end. And sometimes we try not to think about them or we don't want people to bring it up, because we try not to talk about them.

And the healing process can be long sometimes, trying to get over it, trying to heal the wounds.
Depends on who you are. It's different for every person.

But ya just thought I'd say this. Miss you Lefty!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Gun Hold

Alone I sit,
Alone I wait,
Alone alone alone...
Crying, because there is no else I can do
No one I can see, no one I can talk.
Shadowed by myself in cave I cannot come
A dark hole I am buried in
A life I wish not to lead
A rose that can be so beautiful, but the stem that can be so thorn

Alone I sit, as the thoughts bombard me...
Over and over again..
Cramming me down, and taking every word
Taken by the overthrow of it all, it stays with me
Every night growing weaker and weaker
As I try to stay strong avd withhold it all
As knives are poking me every which way, and blood is rushing out

Here and there I scream
My eyes start to drain and I am no
Longer able to keep myself up

I fall and hit the pavement
There I lose control
I use my last breath to say help
But no ones in sight...

No one never was
It was only my illusion
That I had seen

And it will forever hold the lost key..
The key of the unfortunate